Tricked
by Remus's Nymph
Summary: When people are getting married right and left, Shikamaru wants to make sure Temari doesn’t get any sudden ideas. Except, Temari has smarts of her own. Run, Shikamaru, Run! ShikamaruTemari.


**Title:** Tricked

**Summary:** When people are getting married right and left, Shikamaru wants to make sure Temari doesn't get any sudden ideas. Except, Temari has smarts of her own. Run, Shikamaru, Run! Shikamaru/Temari.

**Rating:** G/K

**Author's notes:** Unbetaed, blah blah blah.

**Time-setting:** The future. Where people are happy, and Sasuke—oops, bye, bye, Sasuke!

-!-

When Naruto proposed to Sakura, Shikamaru carefully kept the news quiet from Temari. He would have kept it quiet until their wedding day, but Naruto sent a formal notice to the Kazekage, who, in turn, told his siblings.

When Ino and Chouji finally decided to get married—after producing three children, that is—Shikamaru tried his best to stop Temari from finding out. Unfortunately she came to Konoha for a week, and Ino couldn't stop showing off her ring.

When Kankuro decided to marry a belly dancer—well, there was nothing Shikamaru could do, because it was Temari who gave him the news.

Three engagements in two years sounded to Shikamaru like trouble. He knew women, and women were incredibly fond of weddings—especially their own.

"I think it's sweet that Naruto is going to have his wedding in an orchard of sakura trees," Temari commented.

They were in Suna and it was hot and there weren't any clouds and Shikamaru felt that he was walking on a tight rope.

"Oh?" he said carefully.

Weddings were trouble. Marriage was trouble. Women were trouble. Those, my friend, were the real dangers of a ninja.

"They're having a large wedding, aren't they?" continued Temari, picking at her food. "So is Ino-san. Kankuro, well, I think he's eloping."

"Hn," said Shikamaru, paying attention to his ramen.

"I always dreamt of a large wedding. I mean, of course, I also dreamt that Gaara would be far, far away from Suna when that happened," Temari said cheerfully. "Of course, now he'd have to be there. In fact, I think he could do the ceremony." She laughed. "Imagine Gaara doing the ceremony!"

Shikamaru ignored her. Maybe if he seemed uninterested, she wouldn't suddenly get ideas.

"I would wear a long white dress and there would be flowers," Temari continued. She looked pointedly at Shikamaru. "How many years have we been together?"

"Five," guessed Shikamaru.

"Six," Temari corrected, "but that doesn't really matter. I mean, who knew a long distance relationship could last this long, eh? Of course, maybe if we actually lived in the same village…."

Shikamaru's body tensed slightly, but he continued to eat.

"I would want to have two children," Temari was saying. "A girl and a boy."

"Hn," replied Shikamaru.

There was a sudden silence that Shikamaru felt obligated to look up from his plate. There, with silent tears down her face, was Temari staring at him.

"Temari?" he asked carefully.

He had never—_never_!—seen Temari cry. Oh holy crap, the world was coming to an end.

Temari sniffled. "I just thought—I thought you would _propose_. I mean, we've been together longer than Naruto and Sakura and definitely longer than Kankuro and his dancer, you baka!"

"Uh," said Shikamaru, nervously. "Look, Temari—"

"I mean, Gaara warned me about you," continued Temari, tears still flowing. "He said you were no good. You were too lazy. Unless you were ordered around, you wouldn't do a thing!"

"_Gaara_ warned you about me?" echoed Shikamaru, trying to conjure up a picture of Gaara acting in an overprotective brotherly way.

"And I thought you _loved_ me!" Temari cried. "I thought we had a future! You probably have another girlfriend in Konoha! That's why you're always cranky when I show up."

"A girlfriend?" Shikamaru blinked. He smelled trouble.

"I should have gone out with Sasumaru when I had the chance!" Temari wailed. People were staring to stare.

"Who the fuck is Sasumaru?" Shikamaru demanded.

"But oh no! I had to rebel! I had to date a foreigner!" Temari said.

_Oh for god's sake_.

Shikamaru thought it over.

She was noisy. She was bossy. She liked to move around, he liked to stand still. She loved going on missions, he preferred teaching future genins. She wanted a large marriage, he would more likely elope. She wanted—

Two children. A girl and a boy. _Like him_.

"Shikamaru, why won't you marry me?" Temari snapped.

Somewhat distracted, Shikamaru said, "Yes, I will."

It wasn't romantic. He didn't get down on one knee. He didn't have a ring. He really didn't even stop to finish chewing. Actually, he hadn't even proposed.

Almost magically, Temari's tears seemed to dry up. "Oh, Shikamaru!" She practically flung herself across the table, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We're going to be married! What ever made you think of marriage? I can't wait to tell Gaara and Kankuro!"

Shikamaru sighed. His future, he knew, would be nothing but filled with trouble.

-!-

"I find it hard to believe that you let her trick you into getting married," said Chouji, helping himself to celebratory engagement cake.

"Oh?" said Shikamaru, casually.

"Temari _never_ cries."

"No, she doesn't."

Chouji took another slice of cake. "And you didn't feel a bit suspicious that she had suddenly turned into a waterfall?"

"Well," said Shikamaru.

Chouji grinned. "If you ask me, I don't think it was you who were tricked into anything."

Shikamaru couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face. "It would have been too much trouble for _me_ to propose, after all."


End file.
